My Little Black Box

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Since I was a baby, my dad always take me for a fishing trip. Like an apple won’t drop far from it’s tree, I immediately fall in love with it too. Well. it’s not just the fishing, but everything from the trip, the environment, everything. Soon the ocean became my runaway place. The secret place for me to runaway from the rest of the world.

One day, while I’m lying down on the deck of the boat, watching the stars, I make a wish that someday I will be able to take someone special to share those moments with me. I wish I can watch the stars, having a conversation while she’s lying beside me in my arms.

Two weeks ago my dream came true! i took this special girl with me for a fishing
trip!
We swim together in the white sandy beach, in a small inhabited island while light rain falls upon us. Since then, I still re-live the moments we had, the times where we keep each other warm on a boat under a heavy rain, under a single umbrella; watching the sun sets; watching her play with the fish =); the times when she’s in my arms covered in darkness, under the stars, accompanied by the sound of the boat slicing through the calm waters.

You know what? it’s actually even better than what I dream of… darling… if you are reading this, I just wanna say thank you, I love you so much…

I have found the paradox! That if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love - Mother Theresa

I can’t explain it

I can’t see it, but I can remember it

When I dreamt of it,
I never know it could be real

But it was!

I close my eyes and re-live the moment
A thousand times over

Time is no matter,
Nor the distance between us


When we revealed our feelings
With one sweet kiss

For that moment I will remain!

Have
you ever had a moment in your life that you don’t want to forget?

Where
everything feels like a dream until you pinch yourself to make sure it’s not?

 Where
you wish you can stop the time?

Where
the rest of the world disappear besides the two of you?

Where
you feel you can fly?

Where
nothing can stand in your way?

Well
I had those moments 2 months ago… having a vacation with the one I love the
most. In-fact I dare to say with the one I want to devote my life to…

She
gives me strength, inspiration and faith besides all that, she gives me a
reason to love…

But
no matter you do, the clock keeps ticking, days gone by, months pass by… now
here I am alone, thousand of miles away from her, wishing that those days  never ends, wondering whether she have
the same feeling as I do… Hoping everything could be as it used to by the time
we meet again…

Always said I would know where to find love
Always thought I’d be ready and strong enough
But sometimes I just felt I could give up
But you came and you changed my whole world now
I’m somewhere I’ve never been before
Now I see
What love means

It’s so unbelievable
And I don’t wanna let it go
Its something so beautiful
Flowin down like a waterfall
I feel like you’ve always been
Forever a part of me
And it’s so unbelievable
To finally be in love
Somewhere I never thought I’d be

In my heart in my head it’s so clear now
hold my hand you’ve got nothin’ to fear now
I was lost and you’ve rescued me somehow
I’m alive I’m in love you complete me
And I’ve never been here before
Now I see
What love means

It’s so unbelievable

And I don’t wanna let it go

Its something so beautiful

Flowin down like a waterfall

I feel like you’ve always been

Forever a part of me

And it’s so unbelievable

To finally be in love

Somewhere I never thought I’d be

When I think of what I have
And this chance I nearly lost
I can’t help but break down and cry
oooh yeah break down and cry

It’s so unbelievable

And I don’t wanna let it go

Its something so beautiful

Flowin down like a waterfall

I feel like you’ve always been

Forever a part of me

And it’s so unbelievable

To finally be in love

Somewhere I never thought I’d be

Now I see
one love means

What exactly are you after in this life? probably most people will answer: HAPPINESS!

Define Happiness! I’ve been wondering out of my hometown Jakarta for 3 years now. 2 years in a city in Indonesia called Medan and 1 year in Ho Chi Minh City-Vietnam. I’ve been working my butt-off day and night. Overtime and working on holidays are a normal thing for me.. For a while, I’m happy about it.. I love my company.. i respect and admire my boss.. nothing can stand my way… not even my family or my girl…

These days.. after +/- 4 years working for the company, i started to think everything over.. what do i after in this life??? Career? money? family? love? then i started to analyze… what do i get working for the past years in this company? Career? Yes; respect? Yes from everybody but NOT from my boss;  money? NOT really; Family? RUIN; Love? FUCKED UP!

Looking at the results, i started to re-order what’s the most important thing in life(at least from my point of view) and i came up with a conclusion, followed by my utmost decision…

A couple of days afterwards, i announce my decision to my superior through email saying: "I QUIT!" This is what i think.. Yes money is important, Yes career is important, But by the end of the day.. if you don’t really have someone to share with, someone to care for, someone who care for you.. those things are just a pile of SHIT!

I know there’s so little i can do now to repay all my shitty attitude towards my family, towards the one i love, the one who loves me… I realized that being loyal to my company has little in return, just driving me further from my family and my love ones…

Well.. a lot of my colleagues and friends confused with my decision to resign without having another job… but what i want right now is just to rebuild my life… want to bring myself closer to God… want to have a healty serious relationship… i just want to start building my future from scratch!

This
is another funny story about Vietnamese worker. I know some interesting stories
from my friends regarding their Vietnamese staffs. A guy told me that his
employee has the courage to see him and tell him: “Boss, if I don’t get any
raise next month, I’ll quit!” and he’s not even a hard working employee! I find
that hard to believe, until now.

Since
I’m planning to set up some kind of Marketing Institute in Vietnam, I am collaborating with my partner here
in Vietnam
called Customer Insight. We are looking for a full time staff with a certain
requirements. So we put an advertisement in the newspaper and waited for the
outcome. Actually Victoria-my counterpart in Customer Insight-who’s the one
handling the interviews. After a while I was wondering about the results… and
she told me her unique experience interviewing in Vietnam.

The
things that we can only find it here is that we actually need to treat the
applicant nicely! It’s quite funny when you interview them; you are the one who
have to convince them to work for your company! Even though they sucks! I mean
they don’t really possessed capability to work! We even got an applicant who
put a full body photo of himself lying on the front of a sports car! Please!!!
Who the hell they think they are??? And what the hell they think this is???
They are still so far away from the thing we called professionalism! You’ll
even find a freshman who asked for at least USD 500 per month where the normal rate
is between 200-300 USD per month for a fresh graduate. Some of them don’t even
know why they come to the interview for Christ sake! And actually there’re so
many other stories.

If
you want to make a research on employee’s loyalty index, I think the result
would be so obvious! It’s not even a plus! I think the result would be MINUS!
Do you know the fact that most of the CV’s that I read; they only stay in a
company for several months??? Something’s gonna have to change! And fast! Since
the economy is growing so fast and they are facing the WTO soon.

Those
things make me wonder… who’s the boss
here? Who’s paying their salary???

Well
of course this can’t be considered to be a precise measurement for all
Vietnamese (sure hope so…) Let just hope things would improve! For their own
good!

During a cold, rainy saturday afternoon in HCMC, I decided to pay a visit to a big, beautiful cafe downtown. It’s called Napoli Cafe, filled with such an interior design, with a Italian style.

From the first moment I step into the room, I can sense the aromatheraphy and the wonderful athmosphere, don’t forget that it’s filled with many beautiful ladies! =)

Enjoying my hot latte with my friend I can’t help to see a bunch of teenager on the table in front of me… they were around 18 years old.. enjoying a cup of coffee each.. and enjoying the breeze evening with their friends, having a conversation, eager to start the weekend.

I was enjoying the moment until one amazing thing happened and shock me!
Guess what? in such a luxurios cafe, a guy from KFC delivery came in carrying a delivery box, he stops at the table in front of me and start unloading the food!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!! Where else in this world you can see this kind of thing?????? goin to a fancy cafe and ordering a KFC???? get real!!!!!! It was the first time in my life i saw this kind of thing!!!!

Lost in words, I just wish I brought my camera with me that day… =)

Regarding some roumers that said that catholic church’s in Vietnam are an "underground" church that haven’t acknowledge by Vatican… I’m curious about this issue until last easter, I Incidentally met an Indonesian missionary (pasteur) here in HCMC, He ha sbeen posted here for the last 3 month. So i asked him about this particular issue…

Here’s the answer: It’s not true! catholic church’s in Vietnam are acknowledge by Vatican in fact they do have a cardinal here in Vietnam named Cardinal Pham Minh Man which apointed by the Pope himself and approved by the Vietnamese goverment. But all the foreign missionary in Vietnam are not acknowledge by the Vietnamese goverment.

But there’s still a debate and some issues regarding to the catholic church’s in China. They are seperated into two. One is the "underground" church and the other one is the "nationalist" church. Both are catholic churchs, but they do have some problems between them, they do hate each other and both of them claims to be the original catholic church… which both haven’t acknowledged by the vatican. The Nationalist church is the church that are devoted to the Chinese goverment even during the "communism era" on the other hand, the underground church are the one who claims to stick to the vatican rules and declines communism. Till now, the Vatican still haven’t decide which one to be ackowledged… until then… all the church in China are not the "real" catholic church.